From the columist who heard that the economy got an unexpected boost this morning, Brian, start wanking accordingly
Du Du Du Du Du Da Da Da....I've bored out of my skull already and Eoin's only been gone for about 17 hours.........De De De De De De De
It's been too long you know since we last got a piece out of Donie's diary, so here it is...
JustDonie's Secret Diary
Tuesday
Lying on my beddie reading Rachel Steven's book listening to Elton John (I've asked Shambo to try to get me his number so we could jam together, he could come to my bed or we could go to his palace). I don't get any mentions in Rachel's book but neither does Bryan MacFadden, now who's the best vocalist in Ireland, Bryan my boy?
Her book is boring because it's all about S - Club and they were a bunch of rubbish heads. My three fave books of all time are - "My Life in Vision: The Linda Martin Story" (I'm in it lots) - "Shampoo Ads: The Davina MacAll Story" (I'm in it loads and loads) - "The Streetwize Unauthorised Story" - (In it so much I literally nearly died reading it).
They're probably going to ask me to write a sequel to the Streetwize book but without the other ones 'cause they're poopy heads who weren't talented enough to share a stage with me. They should make it into film starring Zack from Saved by the Bell as me. Or Tony off Hollyoaks.
Wednesday
Saw Westlife today signing autographs in HMV. They were all so awestruck by seeing me that they couldn't even bring themselves to accept a signed hairband from me, JustDonal. It must be terrible to not be in a boyband with me. I would just give up. Thankfully I'm brilliant.
Saw Brian with his girlfriend tonight, wonder when Aisling's bet is finished.
Thursday
Mummy made my favourite Shepards Pie tonight. She was reluctant at first to take the carrots out but finally relented when I followed her into the toilet to make my (fully justified point). She's crying now, I don't think she likes me using the 'c' word.
I am knitting a woolie hat for Shambo. It's really hard to get it to spell out Shambo out on the front in yellow. It's gonna match perfectly with his hat and gloves that he is obviously saving for a special occaision because he never wears them out. Maybe he'll give me a present too, something I could frame like one of his cigarette butts.
Friday
I had to give Catriona a Chinese burn today because she was making the moves on Shambo. She bought Shambo an apple but Shambo doesn't like green ones. Shambo doesn't really like Catriona, I wonder if she tricked him into sex.
Saturday
Watched X - Factor with Mummy, she said I could win the show if I wasn't already one of the best singers in the whole widest world.
I can't sleep because tomorrow I am joining a new boyband that are rubbish but I might just be able to tolerate them. I have to go to a silly audition because obviously they don't know who I am. Can't wait should be easy to be in this band.
Sunday
Not fair. Not fair. Not fair. Not fair. Not fair. Not fair. I was the bestest singer at those auditions but for some silly reason I wasn't picked. Not fair!!!!!!!
I've written a letter of complaint to everyone of my heroes, Ronan, Kian, Stephen Gaytely, Louis Walsh, Justin, The Carter Twins.
I'm crying now.
Monday
Still crying.
Tuesday
Asked Mummy could I go to the World Moustache Championships in Germany, she says no because I have to go to something called work, tut. I would definetly win a prize. If mummy doesn't let me go next year I'm going on strike as her favourite son (John doesn't count, he has a shit moustache.)
I'm finished Shambo's hat now and am wearing it in for him.
Wednesday
Found Ronan Keating on the street and gave him some singing lessons. He said a rude word, and I laughed, so much I had to give him my curly wurly.
****
God Donie leads a great life.
Top Ten signs Donie might actually be gay
10. When he called into Shambo's house he tried to handle the gardeners hose.
9. When he went to meet his Swedish girl they were wearing the same skirt.
8. He likes Europop.
7. Has a tatoo on his arse "Not out: but still pretty proud".
6. Constantly leaves the seat down.
5. Reads Playboy for the articles.
4. While watching "Brokeback Mountain" was heard to mumble, 'it didn't exactly happen like that.'
3. Last wedding he was at, he caught the bouqet.
2. Asked what he did today, his reply? "Busy day of gay sex".
1. Last time he was in his car he got rear ended, but the car has no damage.
Fantastic mp3s for yiz:
Razorlight - America - MP3
The Von Bondies - C`Mon C`mon
Jurassic 5 - Quality Control
The Killers - When You Were Young
Danny’s Song by Loggins & Messina
Gold In The Air Of Summer by Kings Of Convenience
To Be Alone With You by Sufjan Stevens
Such Great Heights by Iron & Wine
Our Way To Fall by Yo La Tengo
I Will Follow You into the Dark by Death Cab For Cutie
If You Find Yourself Caught in Love by Belle & Sebastian
Elevator Love Letter by Stars
Kodachrome by Paul Simon
Such Great Heights by The Postal Service
Break My Body by Pixies
Mass Romantic by The New Pornographers
Do You Realize?? by The Flaming Lips
Hotel Yorba by The White Stripes
Sleepwalking by Modest Mouse
The Past and Pending by The Shins
Fresh Feeling by Eels
Hello Sunshine by Super Furry Animals
History of Lovers by Iron & Wine
by Jenny Reeve” href=”http://withoutsound.com/The%20Reindeer%20Section”>The Reindeer Section The Luckiest by Ben Folds
Moment In The Sun by Clem Snide
In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel
Peace out
It's been too long you know since we last got a piece out of Donie's diary, so here it is...
JustDonie's Secret Diary
Tuesday
Lying on my beddie reading Rachel Steven's book listening to Elton John (I've asked Shambo to try to get me his number so we could jam together, he could come to my bed or we could go to his palace). I don't get any mentions in Rachel's book but neither does Bryan MacFadden, now who's the best vocalist in Ireland, Bryan my boy?
Her book is boring because it's all about S - Club and they were a bunch of rubbish heads. My three fave books of all time are - "My Life in Vision: The Linda Martin Story" (I'm in it lots) - "Shampoo Ads: The Davina MacAll Story" (I'm in it loads and loads) - "The Streetwize Unauthorised Story" - (In it so much I literally nearly died reading it).
They're probably going to ask me to write a sequel to the Streetwize book but without the other ones 'cause they're poopy heads who weren't talented enough to share a stage with me. They should make it into film starring Zack from Saved by the Bell as me. Or Tony off Hollyoaks.
Wednesday
Saw Westlife today signing autographs in HMV. They were all so awestruck by seeing me that they couldn't even bring themselves to accept a signed hairband from me, JustDonal. It must be terrible to not be in a boyband with me. I would just give up. Thankfully I'm brilliant.
Saw Brian with his girlfriend tonight, wonder when Aisling's bet is finished.
Thursday
Mummy made my favourite Shepards Pie tonight. She was reluctant at first to take the carrots out but finally relented when I followed her into the toilet to make my (fully justified point). She's crying now, I don't think she likes me using the 'c' word.
I am knitting a woolie hat for Shambo. It's really hard to get it to spell out Shambo out on the front in yellow. It's gonna match perfectly with his hat and gloves that he is obviously saving for a special occaision because he never wears them out. Maybe he'll give me a present too, something I could frame like one of his cigarette butts.
Friday
I had to give Catriona a Chinese burn today because she was making the moves on Shambo. She bought Shambo an apple but Shambo doesn't like green ones. Shambo doesn't really like Catriona, I wonder if she tricked him into sex.
Saturday
Watched X - Factor with Mummy, she said I could win the show if I wasn't already one of the best singers in the whole widest world.
I can't sleep because tomorrow I am joining a new boyband that are rubbish but I might just be able to tolerate them. I have to go to a silly audition because obviously they don't know who I am. Can't wait should be easy to be in this band.
Sunday
Not fair. Not fair. Not fair. Not fair. Not fair. Not fair. I was the bestest singer at those auditions but for some silly reason I wasn't picked. Not fair!!!!!!!
I've written a letter of complaint to everyone of my heroes, Ronan, Kian, Stephen Gaytely, Louis Walsh, Justin, The Carter Twins.
I'm crying now.
Monday
Still crying.
Tuesday
Asked Mummy could I go to the World Moustache Championships in Germany, she says no because I have to go to something called work, tut. I would definetly win a prize. If mummy doesn't let me go next year I'm going on strike as her favourite son (John doesn't count, he has a shit moustache.)
I'm finished Shambo's hat now and am wearing it in for him.
Wednesday
Found Ronan Keating on the street and gave him some singing lessons. He said a rude word, and I laughed, so much I had to give him my curly wurly.
****
God Donie leads a great life.
Top Ten signs Donie might actually be gay
10. When he called into Shambo's house he tried to handle the gardeners hose.
9. When he went to meet his Swedish girl they were wearing the same skirt.
8. He likes Europop.
7. Has a tatoo on his arse "Not out: but still pretty proud".
6. Constantly leaves the seat down.
5. Reads Playboy for the articles.
4. While watching "Brokeback Mountain" was heard to mumble, 'it didn't exactly happen like that.'
3. Last wedding he was at, he caught the bouqet.
2. Asked what he did today, his reply? "Busy day of gay sex".
1. Last time he was in his car he got rear ended, but the car has no damage.
Fantastic mp3s for yiz:
Razorlight - America - MP3
The Von Bondies - C`Mon C`mon
Jurassic 5 - Quality Control
The Killers - When You Were Young
Danny’s Song by Loggins & Messina
Gold In The Air Of Summer by Kings Of Convenience
To Be Alone With You by Sufjan Stevens
Such Great Heights by Iron & Wine
Our Way To Fall by Yo La Tengo
I Will Follow You into the Dark by Death Cab For Cutie
If You Find Yourself Caught in Love by Belle & Sebastian
Elevator Love Letter by Stars
Kodachrome by Paul Simon
Such Great Heights by The Postal Service
Break My Body by Pixies
Mass Romantic by The New Pornographers
Do You Realize?? by The Flaming Lips
Hotel Yorba by The White Stripes
Sleepwalking by Modest Mouse
The Past and Pending by The Shins
Fresh Feeling by Eels
Hello Sunshine by Super Furry Animals
History of Lovers by Iron & Wine
by Jenny Reeve” href=”http://withoutsound.com/The%20Reindeer%20Section”>The Reindeer Section The Luckiest by Ben Folds
Moment In The Sun by Clem Snide
In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel
Peace out
posted by Just Donal at 3:47 PM
1 comments
