From the columist who should have better things to do

Goin to France in 13 days, still only have the basic French, you know phrases like "I surrender".

That Da Vinci Code film is getting very bad reviews, maybe it's the fact that Tom Hanks looks like a member of Depeche Mode, but what do I know?

There are now three national languages in Ireland: Irish, English and whatever you call it when a Cork person opens their mouth and words fall out.

Latest from JustDonal Towers...

Gays banned shocker

JustDonal has sensationally banned all homosexuals from entering the JustDonal offices. Me forever being the preacher of human rights begged Donal to allow freedom of expression in the offices to which Donal replied, "No I'm not having any of those dirty faggots here, by the way Pablo you are looking devastatingly attractive."

Basically Brian book deal

Basically Brian has signed a six figure deal to write his first book. The book will deal all the things neccesary to write a great internet column. Of course first he will actually have to write a great internet column.

.........................

This weekend sees one of the biggest sporting occasions of the years. It's one of the biggest games in a long time. Everybody will be watching, people are talking about it. The Herald AM was full of it today. Thats right I'm of course talking about Shelbourne vs Bohemians , the awl reds v the gypsies. C'mon the SHELBOURNE!

And for any of you who thought I was talking about the other sport tomorrow all I can say is:

BIARRITZ, BIARRITZ, BIARRITZ!

.........................

'Teenage girls are now more likely than boys to smoke, steal and take drugs, a survey has shown... The research, produced by academics from the Institiute of Health and Community Studies at Bournemouth University, suggested that there had been improvements in behaviour among boys. The number who admitted stealing had halved, as had numbers who were regularly in fights' - The Daily Mail. Viva La Pablo suspects the boys are lying.

............................

Top Ten Aoife Roberts would say if we hired her at Just Donal towers

10. "You promised me a free monkey if I came here, I want my monkey!"

9. "It's not what you said it's the way that you said it."

8. "Donal stop stealing my make up bag."

7. "Why are the lights so low in you're office Paul? Why are you playing "Sexual Healing"? Why are you wearing you're leopard skin thong?"

6. "I've just arrived here and already Jonathan is leaving pornographic messages on my voicemail."

5. "Maybe someday I'll be as femenine as JustDonal."

4. "Brian why do we constantly have to watch you're tape of the 1992 budget?"

3. "Hey that's my crack pipe put it down."

2. "I can smell Viva La Pablo's cologne from the basement, eww."

1. "If I seem dissappointed it's only because I thought I was getting a job a good website."

This post? Mediocre, at best.

Enjoy ur weekend